Red Flags

You know you've felt them, seen them, denied them.  The little red flags, sometimes huge blazing red flags that signal for your attention in hopes to deter you from the direction your taking.  I liken them to the "yellow" in a signal light.... "caution" "you're about to run off a cliff".... not to say all is a loss if you do go the distance.... you may just end up a bit battered, bruised, perhaps bitter, but nothing love, acceptance, truth and healing won't cure.  Sometimes we need to deny them, avoid them, hide them, for whatever reason. Like, I still need that reason to prove that lie "I'm not enough" . . . see how that relationship gives me that evidence?  Deep sighs.  If this is your first time reading this blog, let me let you in on my life story. I was part of a church, amazing family whom I still adore, just no longer worship with.  There was a spoken and unspoken teaching that this one church is the only church and so, if you are single and part of this church then you must date within this church and none other. Not only did I find this limiting as far as pools of fish, I found it to limit God's omnipotence and omnipresence.  After building friendships that were awesome and led nowhere, and going to a number of workshops on understanding men, dating, etc. I realized its okay to trust myself. Its okay to fall down and skin my knees, because I can get back up and give it another shot.  And so it is with dating.  I started "dating" about two years ago. Completely uncomfortable at first, because I wasn't completely comfortable with me.  I was definitely empowered and growing in confidence, yet there were things I knew so little of, or had not experienced in 15years of "male sobriety".  I felt like a teenager in a grown woman's body. I had a journey to take; one of exploration.. myself, my boundaries, my likes, my dislikes, my DEAL BREAKERS (very important y'all). If you cannot fathom the thought of dating a man with hair all over his back, its imperative to be clear about that.  (just an example, and no worries, there really is someone for everyone).  In February, 2012, I met this tall, delicious looking, caramel chocolate man. Did I mention that he stood 6'2?  Yeah, right up my alley.  Upon meeting him, I remember how he reacted to the hostess at the establishment where we met. I thought it odd. He was, in fact, a grown *** man.  I overlooked it.  Only to find a few months into dating him, that oh yeah, you did show yourself upon first meeting.  Like a child.  Was it his wounds unhealed? Possibly. I lean more into his marijuana habit, but that's another story.  He lived in another city, and he wanted me to drive out to see him, but would not drive out here.  (RED FLAG)  Was he secretly married?  (NO) but my sleuth skills found that he was indeed keeping something important from me.  One of my deal breakers is not having a valid driver license (like your driving without one).  Ahhhhh, it all makes sense now.  The behavior, etc.  Substance abuse is another deal breaker for me.  I say all this to say its important to know yourself, what you want, what matters, etc.  Alcoholics surrounded my life, my sibling included...so its close to home for me...its created a lot of challenging and painful situations. I deserve to be in relationship with a man that I can melt into as equally as he can melt into me.  Hence my deal breakers.  The RED FLAGS alerted me of those things and led me to STOP seeing that man.  Was that easy?  NO.  I really care about people and I genuinely care about this man. My reality today: I also care about HP.  I honor me.  I needed to go through that though. I grew so much.  I have found that as I pay attention to the red flags, acknowledge them, and trust that still small voice within - I win.  I am empowered. I can choose love.  It also encourages me to TRUST that GOD (my higher power) is working good in all things for me, which I believe He is.  So i don't need to settle and neither do you.  It doesn't make it wrong or right or good or bad.  I want that guy I dated to be loved.  What I know is that has to begin with him.  I wish him that.  I digress, mind the RED FLAGS.....its the universe communicating to you....  because YOU are loved.  Wishing you love and aloha. ~ hp

(Today's post was inspired by an article in another blog: Daters and Haters - Red Flags in on-line dating

As always, please feel free to share your comments, your experiences, your stories, your feedback.  Its always good to hear from you.  :)