Write Down Your Deal Breakers on Paper

Lists.... everyone has written one at some point in their life.  Many people write a list of the qualities that matter most to them in a mate.  Every list is important to our growth. Yes, our growth.  Relationships are primarily about our growth.  Some people have the great privilege of falling in love with their mate at an early age and get to grow with them until death parts them.  Some people go through a series of relationships.  Some people steer clear of relationships all together.  Every relationship has its purpose, yet the choice to dive in is always ours.

I have found so much understanding in the relationships I've co-created the last few years.  I understand myself, and for that I am grateful.  Each person has taught me something about me, I believe we have been essential mirrors for one another in our journeys.  I have a solid list of qualities (not merely, he has to be fine and a NFL superstar) which are fine if that's true to you.  I am proud of my list.  I covered everything that matters to me: emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially, and the like.  It's a great list!  All the while, there is another list I had not heard of until a dear friend mentioned it to me when I was ending a relationship.  Ms Sarah Ross (of Sarah Ross Coaching ) asked me what my deal breakers were.  I must have had that Scooby Doo look on my face.  We got together and I wrote that list.  It has helped me honor myself.  The little voice that says, "its okay that he does xyz, its not that bad" gets NO CREDIBILITY because - YO, that's a deal breaker.  Essentially they are boundaries, and every healthy relationship has boundaries.  Boundaries allow for true choice.  Have you written out your list of deal breakers?  If so, awesome. I'd love to hear about them!  If not, here's a few hints on what to put down:

1) be honest and true to yourself

2) no limits... yes, it can be the most ridiculous sounding thing ever (ex: must not live in the backwoods) <--- yes, a real deal breaker for me

3) be specific  (ex: must not be a drug addict or smoke cigarettes)

4) consider your emotional and physical needs (YES, they matter).  (ex: stingy with kisses & stingy with everything) <---- real deal breakers for me

5) go all out, this is YOUR life.


Feel free to comment, I love hearing from you.  Also, you are welcome to ask me more questions about my list (it cracks me up).

If you would like more information on deal breakers or coaching on your relationship, you can reach Ms Sarah Ross at SarahRossCoaching@gmail.com.

Much love & aloha
hp