Our perspective is the same. We see our reality through a lens. If our lens is cracked, our view is often distorted. It sounds like this... "all women are gold diggers" or "all men are liars".... perhaps you can add some more ideas you have heard from friends or expressed yourself.
How does this happen? "beliefs" or "programs".....decisions we make about events. I absolutely encourage every one to explore their belief systems (why are women unsafe to you? why are men unsafe to you? why do you believe you are unworthy of love). Despite popular ridicule, therapy and counseling is not ALL bad. In fact, it may be the perfect support for you to work through beliefs you have about women or men, heal wounded parts of your soul, and deal with life now.
Let me give you an example: I thought men were unsafe. I had good reason. I was physically hurt by a few men. Additionally, I heard from my Dad and other adult males in my life that all men wanted was .... automatically making men my enemy because I believed them to be "takers" "predators". Now, there are in fact men who are only out for themselves and don't give a rats arse about anyone else. Fixing the lens is understanding I am able (YOU are able) to discern and judge for yourself who that man is. The truth is THERE ARE AN ABUNDANT AMOUNT OF BEAUTIFUL MEN who are givers, who are kind, who are loving, who are loyal, who love their mothers and have great integrity.
Getting to ^^^^^ this space, came with some work. I didn't arrive at, oh, I can go out into the world and be safe over night. YOU have to put in the work, look in the mirror and sort through what is real and what is made up based on an event in your life. Acknowledge abuse. It is real. It is harmful. It is hard. Learning to discern between safe and unsafe is not always easy, yet it is WORTH it. YOU deserve to live in the NOW of your life. You deserve to see what is in front of you for what it is, not what you see through those cracked lenses. You deserve the relationship of your dreams. You deserve to feel safe in a relationship. You deserve to be loved and to love. If your lens is cracked, repair it or replace it with a new lens.
Cheers to your healing, to a new lens, to love.
As always, I love to hear your thoughts, your stories, your experiences. Leave a comment.
Much love and aloha,