Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Summer Series #1 - JUNE is all about the FELLAS

A Man's Perspective on Dating in 2014

1. Who are you?

Mark Williams, Science Fiction Author

2. Relationship Status:


3. Age:


4. What do you like about dating?

I have always liked meeting new people. The standard date to me is a way for me and my date to get to know one another in a low pressure environment.  

5. What are you Top 3 Worst dates?

The one thing that all my worst dates have in common is where there has been little to no communication. A date where too people are too involved with an activity, like say a movie or a sports event is not to me a good first date but of course there are exceptions to the rule. I want conversation, but then I don't want to have to do all the talking or carrying the conversation. I am a self admitted talker and could just go on and on about all kinds of things but if my date cannot hold up her end of the conversation then I get bored. A woman has to know how to stimulate my mind first. And I don't mean she has to be some intellectual giant or rocket scientist. She should just be confident about herself and whatever it is she likes and be prepared to discuss it.

6. What are 4 or 5 things you like to do on a date?

Over my life I have developed a system that I have found to be rewarding and very successful. The first date I go on with any woman is usually a light coffee meeting; we go to a coffee house during an afternoon so she can still make plans that evening. I don't mind if she double books in this case because I feel that a lady should have choices and competition is healthy. That lets me know I can't just sit there like a bump on a log.

The coffee date is also good because we get to see if we like what we see and hear.  The drawback to this approach is that sometimes a woman will think you're cheap. My answer to that is if that is the assumption she is going to make well then too bad. Usually the second date is where I take her to a fine dinner, a movie(or a show) capped off with a late night drink or ice cream run. Often times I will ask her what she wants to do just see if we are even on the same page because I never go on a first date activity to just to please somebody. We both have to be into the activity.  

7. do you think spending money is necessary for a date to be awesome(why or why not?)

It depends. Many of the things I like to do requires money so while its not 100% necessary chances are you're going to wind up spending some money at some point for the evening. I have found that the average date costs someplace between $75-$150 with $75 being on the cheap side.

8. Are you opposed to a woman paying for you on occasion? Why or Why not?

Depends on the woman. Some feminists are adamant about paying their own way and there is nothing wrong with that but I'm perfectly comfortable with paying.

9. Do you believe a man should pay on the first date?

Yes. But I can be flexible if the lady in question wants to make it an issue.

10. What are you top 5 dates and why?

Let me tell you what my idea of a perfect first date(I pay for everything, and have planned the date with prior input); We meet late on a Saturday afternoon and have light cocktails for about an hour, then we go to a nice dinner-often I prefer Italian, then depending on mood and schedule we go see a movie or a play that we have both agreed to see. Afterwards we have a night cap at a bar near the even. Then I take her home and get a good night kiss. I have a steadfast rule about sex on the first date; don't do it. There's time enough for that. Sometimes a woman might initiate something intimate so you have to be careful not to insult her when you tell her that yes you are attracted to her and that next time if she wants you to come inside her home you would be delighted.

11. If you are single what is your purpose in dating?

Right now I just like keeping my dating skills sharp; flirting and conversation are two things I love. Sex is nice but its not my primary motivation. I enjoy relationships but I also realize that I am not ready to be in a serious one right now and try to be as upfront with that as possible. I guess I date to have fun mostly. I am of the mind that if I make a good and true impression on a date she will go out with me again and put me on her list of potentials. If not well then its her loss.  

12. What would you like to see happen in the 2014 dating scene?

More honesty from all parties involved.

YOU CAN FIND MARK'S WORK: on amazon..... (click the link)  Transformers - Retribution

or you can connect with him on Facebook (click the link) Mark Williams

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Women's Sexuality - ft. Poet Mo Piquette

I take great issue with double standards, as well as how women are often bashed for being sexual.... yet aren't we all sexual beings?  My reasons may be different from yours, you may not think about it at all..... yet we are inundated with ideas about how to be daily.  We are objectified, sexualized, and then penalized when we express ourselves.  

I heard a beautiful piece by a brilliant poet/writer/actress Mo Piquette, on women's sexuality.  It moved me and I hope that it moves you as well.  

The Line We Walk  by Mo Piquette

A woman’s sexuality
It can bring a room to silence
Bring some to their knees
Leads many to claim love
For just a touch,
A taste,
A moment,
To share,
To experience
The energy.
So powerful
So powerful, that society says we empower.
We empower
By simply allowing a touch.
See, society gives them credit
Holes in their belt,
Each time
Each time?
Powerful me…?
Just for sharing
A moment,
I choose to give.
An act of love
For an hour
A night
Months to come
Damn, if lucky…
A lifetime of good (fucks)
A beautiful gift,
Too often unrecognized
But that’s okay
That’s not how this powers defined.
It’s in us
It’s up to us
We define it in our walk.
We define it in our talk.
We share it in our gift to give,
Give yourself as you wish,
As your heart may desire,
But check with self
Take time to look in that mirror
Find respect?
A respect you define with a love for self
A love for the gift we were given
The blessing to walk this line
A line that doesn’t divide a right from a wrong
But it is there to guide us,
To remind us
We are strong
We are powerful
We are women.

©2013  Mo Piquette

Maureen Piquette

Producer of Art Collective 'Tard and Feathered' (events and publication)

Represented by:
Manager- Brava Entertainment
Agent- Nancy Chaidez Agency

Monday, December 9, 2013

Keep Calm & Go on a Date

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and are remaining calm through this last month of 2014.   Holidays can be torture for the Single person. They are LOUD reminders that you, my friend, are alone.  In addition to the "alone" factor, December can be stressful for lots of people. The idea of spending money on gifts for family and co-workers and the seventeenth holiday party you are attending before the holiday is even here, stresses many people out.

I am here to simplify the dilemma & relieve you of the stress that chaos creates.  Your health matters.
Studies show that laughter is good medicine. It relieves stress and hits that happy hormone square in the face.

Make the most of this holiday season... no matter if the date you choose is a romantic interest or not, HAVE FUN!  Your long-time friend Sally may not meet your chemistry requirements, but if you two get along and have fun, then invite her on a friendly date. ENJOY YOURSELVES.  LIFE is too short.

If you are looking for a date to accompany you to ice skate and sip hot cocoa.... well, set your intentions.  We know so little about how that thing will manifest itself into our life.  Yet when we believe its possible.....

Be open to getting to know people.....when we are open to being loved, love finds us.  Its natural.

Here are a few low cost date ideas to do on a friendly date or a romantic date:

1).  Serve the homeless together
2). Go to the Library, pick out a book for one another.
3). Go to an open mic
4). Go Caroling
5). Get hot cocoa and look at the Holiday Lights around your neighborhood
6). Play a board game while sipping hot cocoa
7). Make someone dinner
8). Write each other a poem over dinner

Whatever you do, Keep Calm..... Go on a Date..... and remember LIFE IS A GIFT.

Much love and Aloha

Sunday, October 27, 2013

#HalloweenWeek - Let's talk about Dressing Up

Hmmmm, so we have imaginations for a reason.  Just saying.  Something to consider using in your relationship to have FUN.  FUN alleviates stress.  (stress kills, remember).

Have you wondered why so many adults wait until October 31st (or near there) to get out of their comfort zone and let their "freak" out?  Like we need permission to dress up and have fun, to make a day special.  Obviously, if you are merely dating, this isn't for you, however, its useful information for when you do couple up with your boo thang.  ;)

The author of  How Dressing Up Improves.......your relationship gives seven (7) fun and adventurous tips for you and your mate to spice things up by dressing up.  One example: - Dressing up doesn't have to be a massive effort. Just buy some sexy underwear and replace these with your normal everyday underwear.  

Check the article for ALL the great tips included!! Give costumes and dress-up another purpose throughout the year and relish in your relationship.  You are co-creators of your destiny.  Enjoy the journey and the "treats".

Happy Halloween Season.

much love and aloha ~ hp <3

Feel free to comment on your favorite tip, share your most adventurous costume you've worn for your mate yet, or what you would like to do with your mate.  We learn from one another.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

"How to" meet someone (not what you might expect)

I LOVE being single these days.  Mind you its taken a while for me to get here, I was part of a religious organization whose "dating set-up" left me questioning me constantly.  Although no one actually said, "being married is where its at" (actually some people have said that).... it put this invisible pressure to be in a relationship and get married on the forefront of my mind, yet I didn't really know myself.  Fast forward to 2011, when I acknowledged that I can trust myself, even if I fall down and scrape my knees, I would be okay.... I started dating and got clear about what's important to me in the person I partner with on this journey called life.

My journey to know myself also led me to writing this blog, to learning about relationships, understanding men, understanding myself, understanding what happens to us energetically, hormonally, and the like when we connect. I realized that I was far from alone in feeling frustrated with dating.

A friend of mine asked me where should she go to meet men (clearly a heterosexual female - please note that energetically we all flow the same, regardless of our preference).  I LOVE this question because it APPEARS to be simple question beckoning a simple answer like - go to the supermarket on Wednesdays at 11:00pm.   And yes, positioning yourself absolutely matters.  If you want to meet and marry the man of your dreams, sitting at home or hiding in a social setting (like church) will definitely make that difficult.  More important than positioning yourself, is HOW YOU BE.   Yes, you read that right.  HOW YOU BE.

(I am going to use heterosexual male/female examples, please note its all applicable regardless of your preference.  Every human being has both masculine and feminine traits.)

A masculine Man is constantly attracted to a feminine woman.  Period.  A masculine Man does not want to date a masculine woman.  So Ladies, I know....we rock it out in our businesses, our personal training/fitness, careers, etc, yet, rocking it out, usually requires us to wear our masculine energy like our life depends on it.....because we live in a male dominated society that has not fully embraced the beauty and importance of our femininity.  We are raised to compete (masculine trait), we are raised to meet deadlines (masculine trait), we are raised to suck it up and get the job done (masculine trait).  We could  spend a whole week talking and unpacking all of the ways women are asked to be masculine....and now that we have taken that on with a vengeance, what has also happened is we've pushed our men away.  See, God (you may know him/her in another term, this is how I relate to The Most High) created everything in balance, including Men and Women.  We balance each other in our truest forms.  Men need Women, they need the soft body, warm heart, gentle spirit, compassionate eyes, and powerful centered, emotional woman. Yes, you who is hidden behind all these masculine traits because you have had to in order to GET THE JOB DONE.  (you do a great job too! <3 )  You can still do that....just know your man needs your femininity. He wants to save the day, be your superhero, and see you breathe easy and smile.  Yes.  That's why they hold the door open for women.  Its why when he knows you need help, and he does what you've asked him to help you do, his chest puffs up and he stands a little taller.  Gosh, Men are so wonderful!

Tip 1:
Alison Armstrong (PAX Programs) taught me to take ten to fifteen minutes after I stop working, to shake off the masculine energy and get into my feminine zone.  Whatever that is for you...... I like taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and state affirmations "I am womanly. I am sexy. I am beautiful. I am loving. I am kind."

Tip 2:
Pamper yourself.  Yes, the time we set aside to get manicures, pedicures, massages, puts us in a feminine space.  Order a mimosa at brunch.  Pay attention to what makes you feel beautiful and womanly.

Tip 3:
Smile.  Find everything that gives you reason to smile, thank God, be grateful, Sun Salutations, etc.....  A happy woman is a feminine woman who is pleasant to look at.  Ask any man what he thinks about a woman's smile (just listen, really listen).  A happy woman is also easier to approach.  Keep in mind, it takes courage for a man to approach a woman.

Tip 3b: in that same though..... when a man approaches you, honor that.  You may not be interested, however, be kind and be grateful. You never know when another man is watching you in how you treat the man you don't like.

Tip 4:
Love yourself.  Yes....acknowledge those things you don't like about you and shower the dark side of you with the same love as all the things you enjoy about yourself.  Loving me allows my light to shine brightly......  (like a moth to the flame)  ;)    People are attracted to the light (including men).

Tip 5:
FLIRT a little bit.  Yes, including making eye contact. Let him know he is welcome in your space, and its okay for him to come say hello.

Here is a video for you that sums up a lot of what I'm saying.  Redd Velvet 's video on being good to him

As always, I want to hear what you are feeling or fellas, what you are thinking.  Your feedback, comments, suggestions and shares are welcomed!

Feel free to share a tip that's worked for you!

much love and aloha
hp <3

Monday, September 9, 2013

Dating Peter Pan

Peter Pan..... I have watched nearly every version of this film.  I love so much about its message, becoming like little children, believing and not being jaded by the terrors of adulthood.  Yet at the same time, I find the messages are better suited in analogies and inspiration.  Wendy did not MARRY Peter Pan.  A woman is unable to live in Never Never Land for ever.  And from what I remember, it didn't go over so well for Tink either.

You may know him.... Peter Pan in real life.  He is an adult male, generally over the age of 30 years.  He has the appearance of a Man.  He owns his own car, maybe his own house..... and he is A LOT OF FUN.  What woman doesn't want to have fun with her man? I don't know any woman that enjoys being with an uptight fellow. Yet life is about balance, and Peter Pan is unbalanced, misaligned.

I love what The Single Dating Diva said about it in her blog post. I feel like her bullet points are excellent identifiers.  She coins the phrase "Peter Pan Syndrome" (which studies have proven over more than three decades, and I 'm sure much longer than that).  Here is her list:

How do you know you or someone you have met has Peter Pan Syndrome?  Here are some signs:
  • is over 30 and still goes drinking/clubbing/to the pub every weekend
  • says he wants to find a partner but always ends up single because no girl is good enough to meet his standards
  • is looking for a girl to blow his mind or else she’s not good enough
  • is promiscuous
  • is narcissistic
  • is extremely social
  • has a job that feeds his need for attention
  • thinks he is a great catch and makes sure to tells you so
  • thinks that all girls want him, he’s just the choosy one
  • thinks that just because a girl is friendly and nice to him that she’s in love with him
  • hops on a plane at any given moment to go off on some adventure
  • has made an ideal life in his head that he thinks is the one he should have and won’t settle for anything less
  • believes they deserve to have everything they want how they want it
  • easily distracted by shiny objects
(You can find more of her helpful tips and insights at Single Dating Diva )

Someone deemed my most recent relationship a Peter Pan, yet, I'm not sure that's it. He wasn't a playboy, just an out of sorts guy finding his way.  However, the relationship before that.... absolutely a Peter Pan.  T.L. told me he was the coolest dude I'd ever meet (see 5th bullet point and 8th bullet point)  He is over 40 and still goes clubbing/drinking every weekend.  He said he wanted a relationship, but hadn't found anyone suitable enough for him (yes, I found that seriously insulting).  

I fear it is a sad case these days.... because there are a good number of men who refuse to grow up. To put their Man Pants on and own up to life, to make decisions, to commit to something greater than themselves, to exercise loyalty.  Relationships are not easy.  Yet when TWO people are willing to go the distance, relationships become visibly beautiful.  Be ware of Peter Pan..... he, I am sad to say, is not a Man With A Plan.  ( I wrote a piece about that - Funky Sunshine )

As always, I love hearing your stories.  Feel free to share them, your comments, your opinions here.

Much Love & Aloha

Monday, August 26, 2013

Interrupt Your Relationship Routine

Aloha!  I am just getting back into the swing of things after spending an incredible week in Maui on The Daily Love's Maui Yoga Retreat - return to the heart.  Nearly 20 people, most of us strangers to one another, signed up for a trip to Maui. One week into the unknown...almost. We were set up for great success.  Preparations included fasting from sugars, alcohol, caffeine, dairy and gluten.  Oh yeah..... totally different than the normal routine. I visit my local Starbucks about 4 or 5 days a week.  They know my name and what I'm drinking.  I realized that it is my "Cheers" (where everybody knows your name). Physically I did not miss the caffeine.  I was grateful I had fasted from it before getting to Maui and doing Kundalini yoga twice a day.  I hydrated, rested, synced up with my body, aligned my chakras, cleared my heart and my head space, loved and was loved.  Oh, did I mention that we disconnected from our phones and the Internet for that whole entire week? Yeah, me the social media maven unplugged. It felt AMAZING....not to say it wasn't difficult, because it was, yet being with these beautiful souls (including my own) far outweighed the time I missed connecting to the outside world. I needed the time to invest in and care for me.  I learned that to be balanced and healthy, I need to interrupt my routine and invest in me. Not merely vacation, no.  Learning something new, stretching my limits, personal development, contributing to the world, disconnecting from the outside for a few days to connect and align with Spirit.

How does this relate to DATING?  Well.....  humans tend to be creatures of habit.  You know the cliches with relationship - "keep it spicy" "tend to the flame" "love deposits".... all of which imply some effort is made to grow, nurture and satisfy the relationship.  We see it all the time with married folks.... work, home......."now that we've been married two years we hardly ever go out anymore".... then she feels less special and less affectionate and he feels rejected.  We see it with married folks with children.....  they put all the kids activities before investing in their relationship and wonder why the person they fell in love with feels more like a roommate than a lover.

Planning is a great tool to support us in every aspect of our lives.  Yes, even in our relationship.  Plan those interruptions.  Please provide for your families. Please invest in your children. Please finish your degree.  Do those things.  And, interrupt them for the benefit of your relationship.  Relationships are gifts.

  • Plan a weekend getaway - no work, no phones, no Internet.  Be with each other.  
  • Plan time for personal growth where you go together - (Date with Destiny, PSI Seminars, PAX Programs couple workshops, etc)
  • Plan a celebration in the middle of an odd month, just because your love is worth it.  
  • Both of you chose something that scares you (think skydiving).  Support each other in realizing the dream.
  • Plan for time to encourage one another (notes, homemade lunches, sexy text messages, etc.)

How can you interrupt your "relationship routine"?

As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Much love and aloha