Our perspective is the same. We see our reality through a lens. If our lens is cracked, our view is often distorted. It sounds like this... "all women are gold diggers" or "all men are liars".... perhaps you can add some more ideas you have heard from friends or expressed yourself.
How does this happen? "beliefs" or "programs".....decisions we make about events. I absolutely encourage every one to explore their belief systems (why are women unsafe to you? why are men unsafe to you? why do you believe you are unworthy of love). Despite popular ridicule, therapy and counseling is not ALL bad. In fact, it may be the perfect support for you to work through beliefs you have about women or men, heal wounded parts of your soul, and deal with life now.
Let me give you an example: I thought men were unsafe. I had good reason. I was physically hurt by a few men. Additionally, I heard from my Dad and other adult males in my life that all men wanted was .... automatically making men my enemy because I believed them to be "takers" "predators". Now, there are in fact men who are only out for themselves and don't give a rats arse about anyone else. Fixing the lens is understanding I am able (YOU are able) to discern and judge for yourself who that man is. The truth is THERE ARE AN ABUNDANT AMOUNT OF BEAUTIFUL MEN who are givers, who are kind, who are loving, who are loyal, who love their mothers and have great integrity.
Getting to ^^^^^ this space, came with some work. I didn't arrive at, oh, I can go out into the world and be safe over night. YOU have to put in the work, look in the mirror and sort through what is real and what is made up based on an event in your life. Acknowledge abuse. It is real. It is harmful. It is hard. Learning to discern between safe and unsafe is not always easy, yet it is WORTH it. YOU deserve to live in the NOW of your life. You deserve to see what is in front of you for what it is, not what you see through those cracked lenses. You deserve the relationship of your dreams. You deserve to feel safe in a relationship. You deserve to be loved and to love. If your lens is cracked, repair it or replace it with a new lens.
Cheers to your healing, to a new lens, to love.
As always, I love to hear your thoughts, your stories, your experiences. Leave a comment.
Much love and aloha,
hp
I'm still working on it. Why do I have urge to run back to my ex bf that I feel sure that it won't work? I think it's more of what if, it could have been great if it worked out/fantasy, lala land that I wonder around when I'm on my period. Cherish the memory and be shrew about now and future. Why do I wanna waste my energy and time on someone that I've already tried. There are many many men out there and half of earth is men. duh.
ReplyDeleteMB
I can totally relate. I like that you are aware of your feelings and your thoughts. It says a lot about you and where you are in your journey. Its easy to get lulled into the scarcity mentality. Keep working on you! Sounds like you are doing great MB. Cheers to you & cheers to great love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Funky Sunshine, like that name. I realized that it's the comfort that I wanted from ex boy friend and it's not love. We both met each other when we were going through hard times and it was great comfort.
ReplyDeleteDistinguishing difference is important step. I found my new passion, mountain biking instead of dating. so I'm happy being single, free, enjoying lots of choices.
Sometimes I tend to work hard to stay in relationship with someone that's not compatible. Or get anxious if I like someone that he will cheat on me like my ex husband. That is cracked lenses that I have to deal with for life. But I came up with new concept, if someone cheat on me, it's not about me but they lack courage with integrity to tell me it's not working out so I'm moving on, it's immature, selfish way of ending the relationship. I can't be in a relationship with self-absorb man. It's very exhausting and number 1 deal breaker. It's root of every addiction most men struggle- alcoholic, internet porn, finance issues etc.
So I can move on fast, not looking back. Every situation has pros and cons. I don't have to fear it so much I just have to look at it with different perspective.