Monday, February 11, 2013

My Funny Valentine

I really wasn't sure what to write about for Valentine's Day. I'm not sure I feel alone, yet I guess I do. I'm not in a committed relationship at this juncture, yet I'd like to be at some point. I'm still enjoying dating, getting to know people and myself, building great friendships and enjoying adventure. I did wonder, "will i get loved up on Thursday? Will so and so be thinking about me?" Although I am not all that hung up (this year) on the "holiday" or all the implications attached to it, like, oh yeah, I'm single, not married, not a mom, etc....I'm ALONE..... all of which has plagued me and MANY women I know (single and married alike <---- the irony in that one)....  Maybe my focus is different because I know who I am.  Maybe its different because I actually trust that ALL is well in my life. Maybe its because I understand the differences between men and women better. Maybe its because I celebrate and honor the men in my life. None of which came easily or without effort.  (workshops help, they really do).  I do have feelings about the holiday, about being loved and giving love and relationships.  

Per usual, I was listening to the radio while driving and heard a song.  I have heard this song many times before, since I was a teenager. It is a lovely song.  To Really Love a Woman
(Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman - Bryan Adams)....   I listened to the song like it was the first time I have ever heard it.... it spoke to my heart; I could breathe.  "you got to breathe her, really taste her....when you can see your unborn children in her eyes... you know you really love a woman"  "when you love a woman, you tell her she's really wanted.... that she's the one."  The lyrics are impeccable... I don't know what every woman wants for Valentine's Day.  Of course I like chocolate and red wine and candlelight. I don't need that to win my heart.  As a matter of fact, what moves my heart is how I feel when I'm with a man... can I breathe? Do I feel safe?  Can he relax and be himself in my company? Can we be unguarded together?  I guess more than Valentine's Day, sweet gifts, romantic getaways, and the like, what speaks to me is being loved, regularly...  like Tamia sings about in one of her latest releases.... Give Me You.  I can easily enjoy a fancy dinner or excursion, don't get it twisted, but I don't need that to be loved...... if all we have is a blanket, a bottle of water, the moon light and the stars and being with each other, I'm golden. I would like to have a valentine to call my own, I cannot lie or pretend otherwise.  I have wishes y'all, I have wishes.  <3

If you feel alone during the holidays, like it reminds you that you're single or has you looking at what you don't have, take some time to go within, because the truth is we are WHOLE and complete within ourselves.  A man or woman doesn't change that.  Yes...the companionship, partnership, love making is wonderful and beautiful...tis also a gift.... the length of time isn't guaranteed on that gift, whether you're single or married.  Ask a widow/er.

If you feel kinda down and depressed at Valentine's.... do something for someone else.  Givers always gain..... we are blessed to someone else's face light up at a little bit of love you share.  Buy someone coffee at your local coffee shop and wish them a happy valentine's day.  Buy a stranger some chocolate.  Buy an elderly person in your community a flower.  Love is really and truly all around us, when we are willing to take our eyes of ourselves (yes I have this conversation with myself).  Some times it is a time to release and make room for love to come in.  If you are seeking it, trust that it is seeking you too.

I am buying myself a pair of valentine's pumps in hot pink.  :)  I am going to see Pink live in concert with one of my besties and we're staying at a super nice hotel.  I baked cookies for the girl I mentor. Im making cards for people closest to me.  Love is really everywhere.  <3

Happy Valentine's Day.......

Much Love & Aloha

p.s.  if you are interested in the workshop on relationships and understanding me.... go to    <----- Great workshops for women as well as for couples and also for men.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Be faithful

I was wondering what to write this week, because Valentine's Day is coming up quick and I want to save that topic of discussion for next week's blog, and I'm not ready to dive into 'If the Buddah Dated', which I will dive into after Valentine's Day.  As it would go, the lyrics to a song inspired an idea and an emotion..... I was driving down the road, bumpin' 2 Pac's  "Keep Ya Head Up"when it hit me.  Be faithful - keep ya head up hp.

A few lyrics sank in while considering a second attempt at a relationship that just won't work (yeah, the square peg in a round hole situation)... I am deliberate and diligent in my attempts to give it my best shot so I can say, at the end of the day, I gave it everything I had.... the bottom line, nothing I can do will make that situation work, because it takes two to Tango. As it were, our dance became a lop-sided, sad display of a dance. On the surface, it may not have appeared to be so, yet often, its in the subtleties... like, let's go to the movies, yet he falls asleep because he's exhausted and his "recreational" (yet "medically approved") smoking - knocked him OUT cold. There I was watching Gangster Squad and Mama (a ghost story that I would not ever have chosen to watch on my own - but actually enjoyed) - pretty much by myself.  At least he paid for it.  We went to eat after, which he paid for - so in that sense I felt cared for, yet overall, I felt like I was by myself the entire night. Presence is important. Dating and relationship is about being with someone, not two people in the same space, yet disconnected.  Unfortunately, he is not in a space to "self-reflect" or "self-examine".... so there is nothing to work with.  I sat in my car (a few days later), contemplating the situation, determining whether or not to continue in madness or to walk away peacefully. I could feel it, my spirit said it, just walk away hp.  A relationship is so much more than going out together, or physical attraction, or the combination.....  it's in the small details of shared moments, reminiscing on movies watched together, sharing inspired thoughts, giving him/her a big hug because you know they had a hard day, celebrating victories, making magic together, losing yourself in the moments shared because really, that's all there is, chasing the moon together.... see its about that one word right there #TOGETHER.  You don't have to like the same sports teams, like the same genre in film, music, or art, like the same food.... yet that one word, coupled with love, honor & respect, is really what its all about. And if you can create that over and over and over again, as you both grow and evolve and become more aware of who you are with every changing season - and still come back to love.... well isn't that what it's about?  Who cares what your title is - married, partner, companion, common-law, etc..  Without love, it's all just a lot of noise and show - for who though?

Be faithful, men and women alike, to the premise that God (LOVE) wants us to be loved.  We may have to journey through poor relationships on our way to a relationship that edifies and encourages us at a soul level, yet we can trust that the journey serves a purpose.  I am grateful for the non-present man.    He showed me what doesn't work for me, he helped me see that forcing something to happen doesn't work, that no matter how hard I look for "what's good", if it isn't meant to be it won't be.  He showed me the importance of presence, as well as reminded me how lonely the absence is.  He reminded me that outward beauty never makes up for lack of character - EVER.

Where's the happy ending? The lessons are valuable indeed, yet it didn't stop there.  God's timing and workmanship are amazing.  Shortly after "walking away" from the square peg in a round hole.... the gentleman who knows and sings the song in my heart contacted me.  Impeccable timing. I closed one door, to walk into another that was the flip side of what I experienced... Full of presence, adventure, friendship, playfullness, togetherness, love, honor and respect.  The stuff love songs come from....and poetry. He is my poem.  I love knowing him. I love that he knows me.  It's not perfect, it has challenges, we're not ready to elope or plan a wedding..... we're not "technically" a "we".... no matter, he reminds me the importance of presence, how beautiful love can be, how magical partnership is, how special friendship is.

So Keep Ya Head Up.... be faithful (patient in perseverance) to the song in your heart.  What you seek also seeks you.  #LOVE #BreatheEasy

As always, I love to hear your experiences, your opinions, your feedback..... let me know what you think/feel.

much love & aloha