Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year, New You

New Year, New You....that's the general consensus of how this is supposed to go down, right?  Resolutions, goals, etc.... this year will be different, and God willing it will be, yet please know that different comes by doing something different.  I'd like to venture into accepting all of YOU this year, which will absolutely support you in accepting others, including that significant other you are dating, hope to date, want to meet, or perhaps someone you become really great friends with.  Acceptance is a noble task, because it means I get to look at ALL of me...those qualities I adore and those I am not too proud to shout from the mountain tops....  Who readily jumps up and exclaims their mistakes, faults, shortcomings, addictions and the like?  Love, however, looks at all of me.... Love dives in when others turn their is that resilient quality, like a blanket, that covers over emotional outbursts, fears, "mistakes".... Love is also that thing that tells me like it is, whether its comfortable or a mirror, I can then see myself clearly.  Relationships may not be easy, yet the fruit they yield from all the investments (time, love, energy, forgiveness, communication, love, love, love) is soooo worth it.

Dating makes for a GREAT mirror..... this last year I've not only seen what works and doesn't work for me in a companion/partner/lover.... I have also been allowed to see what works and doesn't work in my approach to communicating and asking for what I need...  Here comes the acceptance.  It is what it is.  I cannot go back and change those instances. I needed them and they were all perfect.  I did what I could do in those moments....  I am valuable, lovable, whole and perfect as I am.  Who I am is enough.  Attempt to swallow that on an empty stomach. In fact, I encourage you to look yourself in the mirror and recite that aloud... yes....say aloud, "WHO I AM IS ENOUGH"....  

Then let 2013 unfold as it needs to.... step up to bat when its your turn..... listen to your heart.... be true to yourself.... embrace the courage already within you.... hear a good word..... and accept YOU.... because you are beautifully and wonderfully made....

Cheers to you and your dating adventures.....may love continuously bloom in your life as a whole.

Much love & Aloha

~ hp

Monday, December 24, 2012

Dating during the holidays

Happy Holiday everyone!  My family is a bit diverse. My aunt who grew up Catholic married her college sweetheart who is Jewish...I enjoy the diversity and the history and the culture.  I have celebrated Christmas all my life. Although we didn't go to church regularly when I was a kid, my Dad always read the bible and reminded me how important faith is. I hold that close to me and believe my faith in a Higher Power is my strength.  God has loved me when others judged or condemned me.  I have learned a lot about love and's not all about me.  I believe that applies to dating during the holidays....I am working on remembering to honor those who are in my life and what I'm building.  Considering what's important to someone else is a huge factor. I have friends that want to get me gifts of their choice, and have disregarded what I've said I need or like.  I realize at that point its about them and not me. I see how loving someone the way I think love is could be similar, or visa versa.  His/her needs may be different than yours; he/she may feel loved by some act that seems irrelevant to you.  Is it about you or them? How willing am I (or you) to learn and grow with that person?  The relationship is a gift offered to us by something greater than ourselves for our growth and edification as people.  Does he/she make you better?  Do they call you on your b/s?  Do they hear you?  Are you hearing them?

I am getting ready to go to dinner with my younger cousins are married or engaged.  I am single...although dating and closer to creating a relationship that is fulfilling on all sides....still single.  This year I fear the question, "when are you getting married?"  or "why are you still single?"  Yes, I like men.  Hahaha!

I would love to hear your stories about dating during the holidays or being single during the holidays..... this conversation can go so many directions.  :)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Blind Dates

I finished reading 'Have I Got a Guy for You: what really happens when Mom fixes you up' Edited by Alix Strauss. I did not know what to expect upon reading this book. My friend Jean gave it to me.  Jean is one of my dearest friends. She is my Mom's age.  She gave it to me for my birthday. My first thought was, "Oh God, not another book on dating.  Haven't I read enough books, gone to enough workshops.....argggh".  Now mind you, I had stopped seeing someone the month before, which left me wondering about a lot of things and questioning myself. I did come out of that on top, remembering who I am.  I wanted to be mad at myself for caring about someone who hardly cared about himself, until another dear friend reminded me that my level of care is one of the beautiful things about me.  I dropped my hammer and forgave myself, as well as acknowledged how beautiful it is to care for someone.  How sad that he was not able to receive.  All of that to say when Jean gave me this book, I was done, like, I don't have time to read this mess.  Ha!  A month later, I arduously picked up the book and dove in.... and much like many highschool "mandatory" readings, I found myself enjoying the book.  It is compiled of twenty-five (25) short stories.  I would read one here and there to start. Nearly 1/4 of the way in, I was reading two (2) stories at a time.  I laughed reading how these Mother's wanted their daughters (successful women who were dating, just not fast enough or to their mother's taste) to be married, and so they set them up.  My Mother has not ever set me up (THANK GOD), however, I have been on blind dates (although those occurred in the church I was a part of) and I have been on less than happy dates since I started (seriously) dating two (2) years ago.  One guy I met appeared reasonable, although the blow pop raised a concern, especially because he was 44 years old.  I gave him a shot only to find my concern valid.... he had an addictive personality.  Note to any men reading this, a woman more than likely wants to know that you want her, yet its important to be tasteful in how you express that.  He told me straight that if I were going to have sex with a man, it should be him.  If I could have dropped my jaw to the floor, I would have. I sighed with relief reading stories of these women who experienced similar things as I have. Some were a bit more outrageous, and all of them were great.  I admire the women who shared their stories and love their Mothers for loving their babies.
How do you feel about blind dates or being set-up by well-meaning relatives or friends?  If you have been on one or have a story to share, I would love to hear it.

much love & aloha

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Organic Relationships

Have you heard the term? It might sound something like, "let the relationship grow organically" or "It's better when its organic." Often coupled with "letting it flow". Sometimes it sounds like, "it just happened organically."

I feel like that means relationships that "fail" or "don't work out" did not happen organically.  When in fact, is it also possible that every relationship happens organically, and much like crops some make it through the storm, some do not.  I find that as I date, I find out a little bit more about myself - the things that truly matter to me.  One fellow I dated had the appearance of everything good - tall, dark, handsome, car, job, smelled good. Yet he was one of the least generous people I knew.  Stingy in all areas. Not knocking him, that's his gig.  For me, I want generous kisses and a man with a generous spirit.  I also get to look at - where am I not generous or where do I hold back.  Hmmm, something to consider... that area may not have anything to do with money.  Perhaps its my time. I get to explore that.  The last fellow I dated was so generous and kind hearted.  I realized how important to me "doing life WITH" someone is. I want to make plans with someone.  He was not at the stage in his life.  Although we enjoyed each other's company, we were not in it organically came to an end.  In retrospect, I can see how much I have grown since I really started dating two (2) years ago, I am clear about what is important to me, what I want, what I like, what I can tolerate, what I won't tolerate, what my deal breakers are, as well as continuously doing things for my overall well-being so that I have a wealth of love and of presence to offer those in my life.   "There is a blessing in every lesson and I am glad that I knew him at all"  ('The Truth' by India Arie )  We get to bless each other, in every relationship, with feedback, with messages, and by being mirrors for one another.  I believe every relationship grows organically, just as it is designed that we grow closer to our dreams and become who we truly are with a greater awareness..

Here is to you and organic relationships.....

Live Love and Breathe Easy

<3 hp