I was wondering what to write this week, because Valentine's Day is coming up quick and I want to save that topic of discussion for next week's blog, and I'm not ready to dive into 'If the Buddah Dated', which I will dive into after Valentine's Day. As it would go, the lyrics to a song inspired an idea and an emotion..... I was driving down the road, bumpin' 2 Pac's "Keep Ya Head Up"when it hit me. Be faithful - keep ya head up hp.
A few lyrics sank in while considering a second attempt at a relationship that just won't work (yeah, the square peg in a round hole situation)... I am deliberate and diligent in my attempts to give it my best shot so I can say, at the end of the day, I gave it everything I had.... the bottom line, nothing I can do will make that situation work, because it takes two to Tango. As it were, our dance became a lop-sided, sad display of a dance. On the surface, it may not have appeared to be so, yet often, its in the subtleties... like, let's go to the movies, yet he falls asleep because he's exhausted and his "recreational" (yet "medically approved") smoking - knocked him OUT cold. There I was watching Gangster Squad and Mama (a ghost story that I would not ever have chosen to watch on my own - but actually enjoyed) - pretty much by myself. At least he paid for it. We went to eat after, which he paid for - so in that sense I felt cared for, yet overall, I felt like I was by myself the entire night. Presence is important. Dating and relationship is about being with someone, not two people in the same space, yet disconnected. Unfortunately, he is not in a space to "self-reflect" or "self-examine".... so there is nothing to work with. I sat in my car (a few days later), contemplating the situation, determining whether or not to continue in madness or to walk away peacefully. I could feel it, my spirit said it, just walk away hp. A relationship is so much more than going out together, or physical attraction, or the combination..... it's in the small details of shared moments, reminiscing on movies watched together, sharing inspired thoughts, giving him/her a big hug because you know they had a hard day, celebrating victories, making magic together, losing yourself in the moments shared because really, that's all there is, chasing the moon together.... see its about that one word right there #TOGETHER. You don't have to like the same sports teams, like the same genre in film, music, or art, like the same food.... yet that one word, coupled with love, honor & respect, is really what its all about. And if you can create that over and over and over again, as you both grow and evolve and become more aware of who you are with every changing season - and still come back to love.... well isn't that what it's about? Who cares what your title is - married, partner, companion, common-law, etc.. Without love, it's all just a lot of noise and show - for who though?
Be faithful, men and women alike, to the premise that God (LOVE) wants us to be loved. We may have to journey through poor relationships on our way to a relationship that edifies and encourages us at a soul level, yet we can trust that the journey serves a purpose. I am grateful for the non-present man. He showed me what doesn't work for me, he helped me see that forcing something to happen doesn't work, that no matter how hard I look for "what's good", if it isn't meant to be it won't be. He showed me the importance of presence, as well as reminded me how lonely the absence is. He reminded me that outward beauty never makes up for lack of character - EVER.
Where's the happy ending? The lessons are valuable indeed, yet it didn't stop there. God's timing and workmanship are amazing. Shortly after "walking away" from the square peg in a round hole.... the gentleman who knows and sings the song in my heart contacted me. Impeccable timing. I closed one door, to walk into another that was the flip side of what I experienced... Full of presence, adventure, friendship, playfullness, togetherness, love, honor and respect. The stuff love songs come from....and poetry. He is my poem. I love knowing him. I love that he knows me. It's not perfect, it has challenges, we're not ready to elope or plan a wedding..... we're not "technically" a "we".... no matter, he reminds me the importance of presence, how beautiful love can be, how magical partnership is, how special friendship is.
So Keep Ya Head Up.... be faithful (patient in perseverance) to the song in your heart. What you seek also seeks you. #LOVE #BreatheEasy
As always, I love to hear your experiences, your opinions, your feedback..... let me know what you think/feel.
much love & aloha