I LOVE being single these days. Mind you its taken a while for me to get here, I was part of a religious organization whose "dating set-up" left me questioning me constantly. Although no one actually said, "being married is where its at" (actually some people have said that).... it put this invisible pressure to be in a relationship and get married on the forefront of my mind, yet I didn't really know myself. Fast forward to 2011, when I acknowledged that I can trust myself, even if I fall down and scrape my knees, I would be okay.... I started dating and got clear about what's important to me in the person I partner with on this journey called life.
My journey to know myself also led me to writing this blog, to learning about relationships, understanding men, understanding myself, understanding what happens to us energetically, hormonally, and the like when we connect. I realized that I was far from alone in feeling frustrated with dating.
A friend of mine asked me where should she go to meet men (clearly a heterosexual female - please note that energetically we all flow the same, regardless of our preference). I LOVE this question because it APPEARS to be simple question beckoning a simple answer like - go to the supermarket on Wednesdays at 11:00pm. And yes, positioning yourself absolutely matters. If you want to meet and marry the man of your dreams, sitting at home or hiding in a social setting (like church) will definitely make that difficult. More important than positioning yourself, is HOW YOU BE. Yes, you read that right. HOW YOU BE.
(I am going to use heterosexual male/female examples, please note its all applicable regardless of your preference. Every human being has both masculine and feminine traits.)
A masculine Man is constantly attracted to a feminine woman. Period. A masculine Man does not want to date a masculine woman. So Ladies, I know....we rock it out in our businesses, our personal training/fitness, careers, etc, yet, rocking it out, usually requires us to wear our masculine energy like our life depends on it.....because we live in a male dominated society that has not fully embraced the beauty and importance of our femininity. We are raised to compete (masculine trait), we are raised to meet deadlines (masculine trait), we are raised to suck it up and get the job done (masculine trait). We could spend a whole week talking and unpacking all of the ways women are asked to be masculine....and now that we have taken that on with a vengeance, what has also happened is we've pushed our men away. See, God (you may know him/her in another term, this is how I relate to The Most High) created everything in balance, including Men and Women. We balance each other in our truest forms. Men need Women, they need the soft body, warm heart, gentle spirit, compassionate eyes, and powerful centered, emotional woman. Yes, you who is hidden behind all these masculine traits because you have had to in order to GET THE JOB DONE. (you do a great job too! <3 ) You can still do that....just know your man needs your femininity. He wants to save the day, be your superhero, and see you breathe easy and smile. Yes. That's why they hold the door open for women. Its why when he knows you need help, and he does what you've asked him to help you do, his chest puffs up and he stands a little taller. Gosh, Men are so wonderful!
Alison Armstrong (PAX Programs) taught me to take ten to fifteen minutes after I stop working, to shake off the masculine energy and get into my feminine zone. Whatever that is for you...... I like taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and state affirmations "I am womanly. I am sexy. I am beautiful. I am loving. I am kind."
Pamper yourself. Yes, the time we set aside to get manicures, pedicures, massages, puts us in a feminine space. Order a mimosa at brunch. Pay attention to what makes you feel beautiful and womanly.
Smile. Find everything that gives you reason to smile, thank God, be grateful, Sun Salutations, etc..... A happy woman is a feminine woman who is pleasant to look at. Ask any man what he thinks about a woman's smile (just listen, really listen). A happy woman is also easier to approach. Keep in mind, it takes courage for a man to approach a woman.
Tip 3b: in that same though..... when a man approaches you, honor that. You may not be interested, however, be kind and be grateful. You never know when another man is watching you in how you treat the man you don't like.
Love yourself. Yes....acknowledge those things you don't like about you and shower the dark side of you with the same love as all the things you enjoy about yourself. Loving me allows my light to shine brightly...... (like a moth to the flame) ;) People are attracted to the light (including men).
FLIRT a little bit. Yes, including making eye contact. Let him know he is welcome in your space, and its okay for him to come say hello.
Here is a video for you that sums up a lot of what I'm saying. Redd Velvet 's video on being good to him
As always, I want to hear what you are feeling or fellas, what you are thinking. Your feedback, comments, suggestions and shares are welcomed!
Feel free to share a tip that's worked for you!
much love and aloha