Hmmmm, so we have imaginations for a reason. Just saying. Something to consider using in your relationship to have FUN. FUN alleviates stress. (stress kills, remember).
Have you wondered why so many adults wait until October 31st (or near there) to get out of their comfort zone and let their "freak" out? Like we need permission to dress up and have fun, to make a day special. Obviously, if you are merely dating, this isn't for you, however, its useful information for when you do couple up with your boo thang. ;)
The author of How Dressing Up Improves.......your relationship gives seven (7) fun and adventurous tips for you and your mate to spice things up by dressing up. One example: - Dressing up doesn't have to be a massive effort. Just buy some sexy underwear and replace these with your normal everyday underwear.
Check the article for ALL the great tips included!! Give costumes and dress-up another purpose throughout the year and relish in your relationship. You are co-creators of your destiny. Enjoy the journey and the "treats".
Happy Halloween Season.
much love and aloha ~ hp <3
Feel free to comment on your favorite tip, share your most adventurous costume you've worn for your mate yet, or what you would like to do with your mate. We learn from one another.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
"How to" meet someone (not what you might expect)
I LOVE being single these days. Mind you its taken a while for me to get here, I was part of a religious organization whose "dating set-up" left me questioning me constantly. Although no one actually said, "being married is where its at" (actually some people have said that).... it put this invisible pressure to be in a relationship and get married on the forefront of my mind, yet I didn't really know myself. Fast forward to 2011, when I acknowledged that I can trust myself, even if I fall down and scrape my knees, I would be okay.... I started dating and got clear about what's important to me in the person I partner with on this journey called life.
My journey to know myself also led me to writing this blog, to learning about relationships, understanding men, understanding myself, understanding what happens to us energetically, hormonally, and the like when we connect. I realized that I was far from alone in feeling frustrated with dating.
A friend of mine asked me where should she go to meet men (clearly a heterosexual female - please note that energetically we all flow the same, regardless of our preference). I LOVE this question because it APPEARS to be simple question beckoning a simple answer like - go to the supermarket on Wednesdays at 11:00pm. And yes, positioning yourself absolutely matters. If you want to meet and marry the man of your dreams, sitting at home or hiding in a social setting (like church) will definitely make that difficult. More important than positioning yourself, is HOW YOU BE. Yes, you read that right. HOW YOU BE.
(I am going to use heterosexual male/female examples, please note its all applicable regardless of your preference. Every human being has both masculine and feminine traits.)
A masculine Man is constantly attracted to a feminine woman. Period. A masculine Man does not want to date a masculine woman. So Ladies, I know....we rock it out in our businesses, our personal training/fitness, careers, etc, yet, rocking it out, usually requires us to wear our masculine energy like our life depends on it.....because we live in a male dominated society that has not fully embraced the beauty and importance of our femininity. We are raised to compete (masculine trait), we are raised to meet deadlines (masculine trait), we are raised to suck it up and get the job done (masculine trait). We could spend a whole week talking and unpacking all of the ways women are asked to be masculine....and now that we have taken that on with a vengeance, what has also happened is we've pushed our men away. See, God (you may know him/her in another term, this is how I relate to The Most High) created everything in balance, including Men and Women. We balance each other in our truest forms. Men need Women, they need the soft body, warm heart, gentle spirit, compassionate eyes, and powerful centered, emotional woman. Yes, you who is hidden behind all these masculine traits because you have had to in order to GET THE JOB DONE. (you do a great job too! <3 ) You can still do that....just know your man needs your femininity. He wants to save the day, be your superhero, and see you breathe easy and smile. Yes. That's why they hold the door open for women. Its why when he knows you need help, and he does what you've asked him to help you do, his chest puffs up and he stands a little taller. Gosh, Men are so wonderful!
Tip 1:
Alison Armstrong (PAX Programs) taught me to take ten to fifteen minutes after I stop working, to shake off the masculine energy and get into my feminine zone. Whatever that is for you...... I like taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and state affirmations "I am womanly. I am sexy. I am beautiful. I am loving. I am kind."
Tip 2:
Pamper yourself. Yes, the time we set aside to get manicures, pedicures, massages, puts us in a feminine space. Order a mimosa at brunch. Pay attention to what makes you feel beautiful and womanly.
Tip 3:
Smile. Find everything that gives you reason to smile, thank God, be grateful, Sun Salutations, etc..... A happy woman is a feminine woman who is pleasant to look at. Ask any man what he thinks about a woman's smile (just listen, really listen). A happy woman is also easier to approach. Keep in mind, it takes courage for a man to approach a woman.
Tip 3b: in that same though..... when a man approaches you, honor that. You may not be interested, however, be kind and be grateful. You never know when another man is watching you in how you treat the man you don't like.
Tip 4:
Love yourself. Yes....acknowledge those things you don't like about you and shower the dark side of you with the same love as all the things you enjoy about yourself. Loving me allows my light to shine brightly...... (like a moth to the flame) ;) People are attracted to the light (including men).
Tip 5:
FLIRT a little bit. Yes, including making eye contact. Let him know he is welcome in your space, and its okay for him to come say hello.
Here is a video for you that sums up a lot of what I'm saying. Redd Velvet 's video on being good to him
As always, I want to hear what you are feeling or fellas, what you are thinking. Your feedback, comments, suggestions and shares are welcomed!
Feel free to share a tip that's worked for you!
much love and aloha
hp <3
My journey to know myself also led me to writing this blog, to learning about relationships, understanding men, understanding myself, understanding what happens to us energetically, hormonally, and the like when we connect. I realized that I was far from alone in feeling frustrated with dating.
A friend of mine asked me where should she go to meet men (clearly a heterosexual female - please note that energetically we all flow the same, regardless of our preference). I LOVE this question because it APPEARS to be simple question beckoning a simple answer like - go to the supermarket on Wednesdays at 11:00pm. And yes, positioning yourself absolutely matters. If you want to meet and marry the man of your dreams, sitting at home or hiding in a social setting (like church) will definitely make that difficult. More important than positioning yourself, is HOW YOU BE. Yes, you read that right. HOW YOU BE.
(I am going to use heterosexual male/female examples, please note its all applicable regardless of your preference. Every human being has both masculine and feminine traits.)
A masculine Man is constantly attracted to a feminine woman. Period. A masculine Man does not want to date a masculine woman. So Ladies, I know....we rock it out in our businesses, our personal training/fitness, careers, etc, yet, rocking it out, usually requires us to wear our masculine energy like our life depends on it.....because we live in a male dominated society that has not fully embraced the beauty and importance of our femininity. We are raised to compete (masculine trait), we are raised to meet deadlines (masculine trait), we are raised to suck it up and get the job done (masculine trait). We could spend a whole week talking and unpacking all of the ways women are asked to be masculine....and now that we have taken that on with a vengeance, what has also happened is we've pushed our men away. See, God (you may know him/her in another term, this is how I relate to The Most High) created everything in balance, including Men and Women. We balance each other in our truest forms. Men need Women, they need the soft body, warm heart, gentle spirit, compassionate eyes, and powerful centered, emotional woman. Yes, you who is hidden behind all these masculine traits because you have had to in order to GET THE JOB DONE. (you do a great job too! <3 ) You can still do that....just know your man needs your femininity. He wants to save the day, be your superhero, and see you breathe easy and smile. Yes. That's why they hold the door open for women. Its why when he knows you need help, and he does what you've asked him to help you do, his chest puffs up and he stands a little taller. Gosh, Men are so wonderful!
Tip 1:
Alison Armstrong (PAX Programs) taught me to take ten to fifteen minutes after I stop working, to shake off the masculine energy and get into my feminine zone. Whatever that is for you...... I like taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and state affirmations "I am womanly. I am sexy. I am beautiful. I am loving. I am kind."
Tip 2:
Pamper yourself. Yes, the time we set aside to get manicures, pedicures, massages, puts us in a feminine space. Order a mimosa at brunch. Pay attention to what makes you feel beautiful and womanly.
Tip 3:
Smile. Find everything that gives you reason to smile, thank God, be grateful, Sun Salutations, etc..... A happy woman is a feminine woman who is pleasant to look at. Ask any man what he thinks about a woman's smile (just listen, really listen). A happy woman is also easier to approach. Keep in mind, it takes courage for a man to approach a woman.
Tip 3b: in that same though..... when a man approaches you, honor that. You may not be interested, however, be kind and be grateful. You never know when another man is watching you in how you treat the man you don't like.
Tip 4:
Love yourself. Yes....acknowledge those things you don't like about you and shower the dark side of you with the same love as all the things you enjoy about yourself. Loving me allows my light to shine brightly...... (like a moth to the flame) ;) People are attracted to the light (including men).
Tip 5:
FLIRT a little bit. Yes, including making eye contact. Let him know he is welcome in your space, and its okay for him to come say hello.
Here is a video for you that sums up a lot of what I'm saying. Redd Velvet 's video on being good to him
As always, I want to hear what you are feeling or fellas, what you are thinking. Your feedback, comments, suggestions and shares are welcomed!
Feel free to share a tip that's worked for you!
much love and aloha
hp <3
Monday, September 9, 2013
Dating Peter Pan
You may know him.... Peter Pan in real life. He is an adult male, generally over the age of 30 years. He has the appearance of a Man. He owns his own car, maybe his own house..... and he is A LOT OF FUN. What woman doesn't want to have fun with her man? I don't know any woman that enjoys being with an uptight fellow. Yet life is about balance, and Peter Pan is unbalanced, misaligned.
I love what The Single Dating Diva said about it in her blog post. I feel like her bullet points are excellent identifiers. She coins the phrase "Peter Pan Syndrome" (which studies have proven over more than three decades, and I 'm sure much longer than that). Here is her list:
How do you know you or someone you have met has Peter Pan Syndrome? Here are some signs:
- is over 30 and still goes drinking/clubbing/to the pub every weekend
- says he wants to find a partner but always ends up single because no girl is good enough to meet his standards
- is looking for a girl to blow his mind or else she’s not good enough
- is promiscuous
- is narcissistic
- is extremely social
- has a job that feeds his need for attention
- thinks he is a great catch and makes sure to tells you so
- thinks that all girls want him, he’s just the choosy one
- thinks that just because a girl is friendly and nice to him that she’s in love with him
- hops on a plane at any given moment to go off on some adventure
- has made an ideal life in his head that he thinks is the one he should have and won’t settle for anything less
- believes they deserve to have everything they want how they want it
- easily distracted by shiny objects
(You can find more of her helpful tips and insights at Single Dating Diva )
I fear it is a sad case these days.... because there are a good number of men who refuse to grow up. To put their Man Pants on and own up to life, to make decisions, to commit to something greater than themselves, to exercise loyalty. Relationships are not easy. Yet when TWO people are willing to go the distance, relationships become visibly beautiful. Be ware of Peter Pan..... he, I am sad to say, is not a Man With A Plan. ( I wrote a piece about that - Funky Sunshine )
As always, I love hearing your stories. Feel free to share them, your comments, your opinions here.
Much Love & Aloha
hp
Monday, August 26, 2013
Interrupt Your Relationship Routine
Aloha! I am just getting back into the swing of things after spending an incredible week in Maui on The Daily Love's Maui Yoga Retreat - return to the heart. Nearly 20 people, most of us strangers to one another, signed up for a trip to Maui. One week into the unknown...almost. We were set up for great success. Preparations included fasting from sugars, alcohol, caffeine, dairy and gluten. Oh yeah..... totally different than the normal routine. I visit my local Starbucks about 4 or 5 days a week. They know my name and what I'm drinking. I realized that it is my "Cheers" (where everybody knows your name). Physically I did not miss the caffeine. I was grateful I had fasted from it before getting to Maui and doing Kundalini yoga twice a day. I hydrated, rested, synced up with my body, aligned my chakras, cleared my heart and my head space, loved and was loved. Oh, did I mention that we disconnected from our phones and the Internet for that whole entire week? Yeah, me the social media maven unplugged. It felt AMAZING....not to say it wasn't difficult, because it was, yet being with these beautiful souls (including my own) far outweighed the time I missed connecting to the outside world. I needed the time to invest in and care for me. I learned that to be balanced and healthy, I need to interrupt my routine and invest in me. Not merely vacation, no. Learning something new, stretching my limits, personal development, contributing to the world, disconnecting from the outside for a few days to connect and align with Spirit.
How does this relate to DATING? Well..... humans tend to be creatures of habit. You know the cliches with relationship - "keep it spicy" "tend to the flame" "love deposits".... all of which imply some effort is made to grow, nurture and satisfy the relationship. We see it all the time with married folks.... work, home......."now that we've been married two years we hardly ever go out anymore".... then she feels less special and less affectionate and he feels rejected. We see it with married folks with children..... they put all the kids activities before investing in their relationship and wonder why the person they fell in love with feels more like a roommate than a lover.
Planning is a great tool to support us in every aspect of our lives. Yes, even in our relationship. Plan those interruptions. Please provide for your families. Please invest in your children. Please finish your degree. Do those things. And, interrupt them for the benefit of your relationship. Relationships are gifts.
How can you interrupt your "relationship routine"?
As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Much love and aloha
hp
How does this relate to DATING? Well..... humans tend to be creatures of habit. You know the cliches with relationship - "keep it spicy" "tend to the flame" "love deposits".... all of which imply some effort is made to grow, nurture and satisfy the relationship. We see it all the time with married folks.... work, home......."now that we've been married two years we hardly ever go out anymore".... then she feels less special and less affectionate and he feels rejected. We see it with married folks with children..... they put all the kids activities before investing in their relationship and wonder why the person they fell in love with feels more like a roommate than a lover.
Planning is a great tool to support us in every aspect of our lives. Yes, even in our relationship. Plan those interruptions. Please provide for your families. Please invest in your children. Please finish your degree. Do those things. And, interrupt them for the benefit of your relationship. Relationships are gifts.
- Plan a weekend getaway - no work, no phones, no Internet. Be with each other.
- Plan time for personal growth where you go together - (Date with Destiny, PSI Seminars, PAX Programs couple workshops, etc)
- Plan a celebration in the middle of an odd month, just because your love is worth it.
- Both of you chose something that scares you (think skydiving). Support each other in realizing the dream.
- Plan for time to encourage one another (notes, homemade lunches, sexy text messages, etc.)
How can you interrupt your "relationship routine"?
As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Much love and aloha
hp
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Dating via FACEBOOK - first date tips
You can snarl if you want to, however, love finds its way to a person's heart through any means necessary....yes, even through Facebook. It is not so strange.... consider "pen-pals"! Much like the various dating sites on-line, facebook, allows people to connect in a familiar way. We are not here to discuss whether its right or wrong, because what's right for you may be wrong for someone else. #KnowYourself
Here are a few tips for those of you who may choose to go on a date with someone you meet on FB:
1. Meet in a public place, preferably during the day time. And let at least one other reliable person know where you will be.
2. Set a time frame of no more than two (2) hours. If it goes well and you both agree to continue sharing time together, then do that. A time frame lets you be cordial, get to know one another and leave without difficulty.
3. Trust yourself.....listen to your gut feelings, your intuition... it speaks for our good! If you feel like something is off, then it probably is. Be true to you.
4. Just BE. Who we BE, and how we BE says so much more than we ever can. Be love. Be kind. Be honest. Be grateful. Be.
5. Be open. It may not turn into a spectacular relationship, you may gain a great friend. However, it very well may be. When human beings are open to one another and all the possibilities before them, anything is possible. The possibilities are endless. Have fun!
If you have gone on a date with someone you met through facebook, let us know how it went; what you learned. As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences!
Much love & aloha
hp
Here are a few tips for those of you who may choose to go on a date with someone you meet on FB:
1. Meet in a public place, preferably during the day time. And let at least one other reliable person know where you will be.
2. Set a time frame of no more than two (2) hours. If it goes well and you both agree to continue sharing time together, then do that. A time frame lets you be cordial, get to know one another and leave without difficulty.
3. Trust yourself.....listen to your gut feelings, your intuition... it speaks for our good! If you feel like something is off, then it probably is. Be true to you.
4. Just BE. Who we BE, and how we BE says so much more than we ever can. Be love. Be kind. Be honest. Be grateful. Be.
5. Be open. It may not turn into a spectacular relationship, you may gain a great friend. However, it very well may be. When human beings are open to one another and all the possibilities before them, anything is possible. The possibilities are endless. Have fun!
If you have gone on a date with someone you met through facebook, let us know how it went; what you learned. As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences!
Much love & aloha
hp
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Cracked Lenses
If you wear any kind of glasses, whether they be reading glasses, distance glasses, sun glasses, or the like, you understand the difficulty in seeing clearly when the lenses are cracked. The crack(s) distort the lens, so visibility becomes skewed. What do you do with those lenses? You replace them with new ones so visibility is clear.
Our perspective is the same. We see our reality through a lens. If our lens is cracked, our view is often distorted. It sounds like this... "all women are gold diggers" or "all men are liars".... perhaps you can add some more ideas you have heard from friends or expressed yourself.
How does this happen? "beliefs" or "programs".....decisions we make about events. I absolutely encourage every one to explore their belief systems (why are women unsafe to you? why are men unsafe to you? why do you believe you are unworthy of love). Despite popular ridicule, therapy and counseling is not ALL bad. In fact, it may be the perfect support for you to work through beliefs you have about women or men, heal wounded parts of your soul, and deal with life now.
Let me give you an example: I thought men were unsafe. I had good reason. I was physically hurt by a few men. Additionally, I heard from my Dad and other adult males in my life that all men wanted was .... automatically making men my enemy because I believed them to be "takers" "predators". Now, there are in fact men who are only out for themselves and don't give a rats arse about anyone else. Fixing the lens is understanding I am able (YOU are able) to discern and judge for yourself who that man is. The truth is THERE ARE AN ABUNDANT AMOUNT OF BEAUTIFUL MEN who are givers, who are kind, who are loving, who are loyal, who love their mothers and have great integrity.
Getting to ^^^^^ this space, came with some work. I didn't arrive at, oh, I can go out into the world and be safe over night. YOU have to put in the work, look in the mirror and sort through what is real and what is made up based on an event in your life. Acknowledge abuse. It is real. It is harmful. It is hard. Learning to discern between safe and unsafe is not always easy, yet it is WORTH it. YOU deserve to live in the NOW of your life. You deserve to see what is in front of you for what it is, not what you see through those cracked lenses. You deserve the relationship of your dreams. You deserve to feel safe in a relationship. You deserve to be loved and to love. If your lens is cracked, repair it or replace it with a new lens.
Cheers to your healing, to a new lens, to love.
As always, I love to hear your thoughts, your stories, your experiences. Leave a comment.
Much love and aloha,
hp
Sunday, June 30, 2013
1st Dates
I don't know about you or where you are located on the planet, but here in Los Angeles, it is HOT!! I am not a fan of triple digit weather. I do enjoy the necessity for sundresses though. Summer equals more reasons for pedicures, pretty nail polish, sundresses, shorts and things. Summer nights are my favorite! Maybe because I watched the movie GREASE at such a young age. I loved their summer romance.
I am still reading If The Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl, PhD Chapter 23 covers 1st Dates, which I found encouraging. I'm going to give you a few bullet points from the chapter (which I highly recommend reading anyway). The perspective is a spiritual one, which leads the reader directly to the essence of who we are, which is where we really want to be with the one who is our beloved - being our true selves.
1. Remember 1st Dates are just a moment in time - let go of the attachment. It can be anything, yet it will more than likely be fun when you can BE present to the moment.
2. You are simply meeting to see if there is a possible fit - no pressure... no who you are, what matters to you, pay attention to the conversation. You are gathering data. Do any of your deal breakers come up? Are you experiencing any red flags? Its okay. That's what the date is for. You might find that you two are better suited as friends. You might find that you need to RUN away as fast as you can. You may find you'd like to go out again. Its all good.
3. Always meet in a neutral place with lots of people - yes, even if you've known each other forever. Romance can change the relationship. Coffee shops, other public places, allows for you both to be yourselves, with less pressure to be someone you are not. Give yourself an hour or two limit. If you fit, it will naturally lead to more time. No hurry.
4. Show who you really are - if you are naturally outrageous and funny, be that way. If you are naturally quiet and cautious, be that way. Be yourself - "being yourself is an act of faith and self-love". Great unions come when we show our authentic selves, the being behind the masks, to one another.
5. Trust yourself and your instincts - your intuition is your guide. If something feels off, now is not the time to ignore that. Pay attention to the flow you are experiencing.
6. Have fun, and remember, its all a passing show - yes, have FUN. :)
As always, I love to hear your thoughts, your experiences and your point of view!
Thank you.
Much love and aloha,
hp
I am still reading If The Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl, PhD Chapter 23 covers 1st Dates, which I found encouraging. I'm going to give you a few bullet points from the chapter (which I highly recommend reading anyway). The perspective is a spiritual one, which leads the reader directly to the essence of who we are, which is where we really want to be with the one who is our beloved - being our true selves.
1. Remember 1st Dates are just a moment in time - let go of the attachment. It can be anything, yet it will more than likely be fun when you can BE present to the moment.
2. You are simply meeting to see if there is a possible fit - no pressure... no who you are, what matters to you, pay attention to the conversation. You are gathering data. Do any of your deal breakers come up? Are you experiencing any red flags? Its okay. That's what the date is for. You might find that you two are better suited as friends. You might find that you need to RUN away as fast as you can. You may find you'd like to go out again. Its all good.
3. Always meet in a neutral place with lots of people - yes, even if you've known each other forever. Romance can change the relationship. Coffee shops, other public places, allows for you both to be yourselves, with less pressure to be someone you are not. Give yourself an hour or two limit. If you fit, it will naturally lead to more time. No hurry.
4. Show who you really are - if you are naturally outrageous and funny, be that way. If you are naturally quiet and cautious, be that way. Be yourself - "being yourself is an act of faith and self-love". Great unions come when we show our authentic selves, the being behind the masks, to one another.
5. Trust yourself and your instincts - your intuition is your guide. If something feels off, now is not the time to ignore that. Pay attention to the flow you are experiencing.
6. Have fun, and remember, its all a passing show - yes, have FUN. :)
As always, I love to hear your thoughts, your experiences and your point of view!
Thank you.
Much love and aloha,
hp
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)