Summer Series #1 - JUNE is all about the FELLAS

A Man's Perspective on Dating in 2014

1. Who are you?

Mark Williams, Science Fiction Author

2. Relationship Status:

Divorced

3. Age:

43

4. What do you like about dating?

I have always liked meeting new people. The standard date to me is a way for me and my date to get to know one another in a low pressure environment.  

5. What are you Top 3 Worst dates?

The one thing that all my worst dates have in common is where there has been little to no communication. A date where too people are too involved with an activity, like say a movie or a sports event is not to me a good first date but of course there are exceptions to the rule. I want conversation, but then I don't want to have to do all the talking or carrying the conversation. I am a self admitted talker and could just go on and on about all kinds of things but if my date cannot hold up her end of the conversation then I get bored. A woman has to know how to stimulate my mind first. And I don't mean she has to be some intellectual giant or rocket scientist. She should just be confident about herself and whatever it is she likes and be prepared to discuss it.

6. What are 4 or 5 things you like to do on a date?

Over my life I have developed a system that I have found to be rewarding and very successful. The first date I go on with any woman is usually a light coffee meeting; we go to a coffee house during an afternoon so she can still make plans that evening. I don't mind if she double books in this case because I feel that a lady should have choices and competition is healthy. That lets me know I can't just sit there like a bump on a log.

The coffee date is also good because we get to see if we like what we see and hear.  The drawback to this approach is that sometimes a woman will think you're cheap. My answer to that is if that is the assumption she is going to make well then too bad. Usually the second date is where I take her to a fine dinner, a movie(or a show) capped off with a late night drink or ice cream run. Often times I will ask her what she wants to do just see if we are even on the same page because I never go on a first date activity to just to please somebody. We both have to be into the activity.  

7. do you think spending money is necessary for a date to be awesome(why or why not?)

It depends. Many of the things I like to do requires money so while its not 100% necessary chances are you're going to wind up spending some money at some point for the evening. I have found that the average date costs someplace between $75-$150 with $75 being on the cheap side.

8. Are you opposed to a woman paying for you on occasion? Why or Why not?

Depends on the woman. Some feminists are adamant about paying their own way and there is nothing wrong with that but I'm perfectly comfortable with paying.

9. Do you believe a man should pay on the first date?

Yes. But I can be flexible if the lady in question wants to make it an issue.

10. What are you top 5 dates and why?

Let me tell you what my idea of a perfect first date(I pay for everything, and have planned the date with prior input); We meet late on a Saturday afternoon and have light cocktails for about an hour, then we go to a nice dinner-often I prefer Italian, then depending on mood and schedule we go see a movie or a play that we have both agreed to see. Afterwards we have a night cap at a bar near the even. Then I take her home and get a good night kiss. I have a steadfast rule about sex on the first date; don't do it. There's time enough for that. Sometimes a woman might initiate something intimate so you have to be careful not to insult her when you tell her that yes you are attracted to her and that next time if she wants you to come inside her home you would be delighted.

11. If you are single what is your purpose in dating?

Right now I just like keeping my dating skills sharp; flirting and conversation are two things I love. Sex is nice but its not my primary motivation. I enjoy relationships but I also realize that I am not ready to be in a serious one right now and try to be as upfront with that as possible. I guess I date to have fun mostly. I am of the mind that if I make a good and true impression on a date she will go out with me again and put me on her list of potentials. If not well then its her loss.  

12. What would you like to see happen in the 2014 dating scene?

More honesty from all parties involved.

YOU CAN FIND MARK'S WORK: on amazon..... (click the link)  Transformers - Retribution

or you can connect with him on Facebook (click the link) Mark Williams

Women's Sexuality - ft. Poet Mo Piquette

I take great issue with double standards, as well as how women are often bashed for being sexual.... yet aren't we all sexual beings?  My reasons may be different from yours, you may not think about it at all..... yet we are inundated with ideas about how to be daily.  We are objectified, sexualized, and then penalized when we express ourselves.  

I heard a beautiful piece by a brilliant poet/writer/actress Mo Piquette, on women's sexuality.  It moved me and I hope that it moves you as well.  

The Line We Walk  by Mo Piquette

A woman’s sexuality

It can bring a room to silence

Bring some to their knees

Leads many to claim love

For just a touch,

A taste,

A moment,

To share,

To experience

The energy.

So powerful

So powerful, that society says we empower.

We empower

By simply allowing a touch.

See, society gives them credit

Holes in their belt,

Each time

Each time?

Powerful

Powerful me…?

Just for sharing

A moment,

I choose to give.

An act of love

For an hour

A night

Months to come

Damn, if lucky…

A lifetime of good (fucks)

A beautiful gift,

Too often unrecognized

But that’s okay

That’s not how this powers defined.

It’s in us

It’s up to us

We define it in our walk.

We define it in our talk.

We share it in our gift to give,

Give yourself as you wish,

As your heart may desire,

But check with self

Take time to look in that mirror

Find respect?

A respect you define with a love for self

A love for the gift we were given

The blessing to walk this line

A line that doesn’t divide a right from a wrong

But it is there to guide us,

To remind us

We are strong

We are powerful

We are women.

©2013  Mo Piquette

-- 
Maureen Piquette
www.maureenpiquette.com
mopiquette7@gmail.com

Producer of Art Collective 'Tard and Feathered' (events and publication)
Producer/Writer/Actress

Represented by:
Manager- Brava Entertainment
Ricky@bravaent.com
Agent- Nancy Chaidez Agency
nancychaidezagency@yahoo.com

Keep Calm & Go on a Date

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and are remaining calm through this last month of 2014.   Holidays can be torture for the Single person. They are LOUD reminders that you, my friend, are alone.  In addition to the "alone" factor, December can be stressful for lots of people. The idea of spending money on gifts for family and co-workers and the seventeenth holiday party you are attending before the holiday is even here, stresses many people out.

I am here to simplify the dilemma & relieve you of the stress that chaos creates.  Your health matters.
Studies show that laughter is good medicine. It relieves stress and hits that happy hormone square in the face.

Make the most of this holiday season... no matter if the date you choose is a romantic interest or not, HAVE FUN!  Your long-time friend Sally may not meet your chemistry requirements, but if you two get along and have fun, then invite her on a friendly date. ENJOY YOURSELVES.  LIFE is too short.

If you are looking for a date to accompany you to ice skate and sip hot cocoa.... well, set your intentions.  We know so little about how that thing will manifest itself into our life.  Yet when we believe its possible.....

Be open to getting to know people.....when we are open to being loved, love finds us.  Its natural.

Here are a few low cost date ideas to do on a friendly date or a romantic date:


1).  Serve the homeless together
2). Go to the Library, pick out a book for one another.
3). Go to an open mic
4). Go Caroling
5). Get hot cocoa and look at the Holiday Lights around your neighborhood
6). Play a board game while sipping hot cocoa
7). Make someone dinner
8). Write each other a poem over dinner

Whatever you do, Keep Calm..... Go on a Date..... and remember LIFE IS A GIFT.

Much love and Aloha
hp

#HalloweenWeek - Let's talk about Dressing Up

Hmmmm, so we have imaginations for a reason.  Just saying.  Something to consider using in your relationship to have FUN.  FUN alleviates stress.  (stress kills, remember).

Have you wondered why so many adults wait until October 31st (or near there) to get out of their comfort zone and let their "freak" out?  Like we need permission to dress up and have fun, to make a day special.  Obviously, if you are merely dating, this isn't for you, however, its useful information for when you do couple up with your boo thang.  ;)

The author of  How Dressing Up Improves.......your relationship gives seven (7) fun and adventurous tips for you and your mate to spice things up by dressing up.  One example: - Dressing up doesn't have to be a massive effort. Just buy some sexy underwear and replace these with your normal everyday underwear.  

Check the article for ALL the great tips included!! Give costumes and dress-up another purpose throughout the year and relish in your relationship.  You are co-creators of your destiny.  Enjoy the journey and the "treats".

Happy Halloween Season.

much love and aloha ~ hp <3

Feel free to comment on your favorite tip, share your most adventurous costume you've worn for your mate yet, or what you would like to do with your mate.  We learn from one another.

"How to" meet someone (not what you might expect)

I LOVE being single these days.  Mind you its taken a while for me to get here, I was part of a religious organization whose "dating set-up" left me questioning me constantly.  Although no one actually said, "being married is where its at" (actually some people have said that).... it put this invisible pressure to be in a relationship and get married on the forefront of my mind, yet I didn't really know myself.  Fast forward to 2011, when I acknowledged that I can trust myself, even if I fall down and scrape my knees, I would be okay.... I started dating and got clear about what's important to me in the person I partner with on this journey called life.

My journey to know myself also led me to writing this blog, to learning about relationships, understanding men, understanding myself, understanding what happens to us energetically, hormonally, and the like when we connect. I realized that I was far from alone in feeling frustrated with dating.

A friend of mine asked me where should she go to meet men (clearly a heterosexual female - please note that energetically we all flow the same, regardless of our preference).  I LOVE this question because it APPEARS to be simple question beckoning a simple answer like - go to the supermarket on Wednesdays at 11:00pm.   And yes, positioning yourself absolutely matters.  If you want to meet and marry the man of your dreams, sitting at home or hiding in a social setting (like church) will definitely make that difficult.  More important than positioning yourself, is HOW YOU BE.   Yes, you read that right.  HOW YOU BE.

(I am going to use heterosexual male/female examples, please note its all applicable regardless of your preference.  Every human being has both masculine and feminine traits.)

A masculine Man is constantly attracted to a feminine woman.  Period.  A masculine Man does not want to date a masculine woman.  So Ladies, I know....we rock it out in our businesses, our personal training/fitness, careers, etc, yet, rocking it out, usually requires us to wear our masculine energy like our life depends on it.....because we live in a male dominated society that has not fully embraced the beauty and importance of our femininity.  We are raised to compete (masculine trait), we are raised to meet deadlines (masculine trait), we are raised to suck it up and get the job done (masculine trait).  We could  spend a whole week talking and unpacking all of the ways women are asked to be masculine....and now that we have taken that on with a vengeance, what has also happened is we've pushed our men away.  See, God (you may know him/her in another term, this is how I relate to The Most High) created everything in balance, including Men and Women.  We balance each other in our truest forms.  Men need Women, they need the soft body, warm heart, gentle spirit, compassionate eyes, and powerful centered, emotional woman. Yes, you who is hidden behind all these masculine traits because you have had to in order to GET THE JOB DONE.  (you do a great job too! <3 )  You can still do that....just know your man needs your femininity. He wants to save the day, be your superhero, and see you breathe easy and smile.  Yes.  That's why they hold the door open for women.  Its why when he knows you need help, and he does what you've asked him to help you do, his chest puffs up and he stands a little taller.  Gosh, Men are so wonderful!

Tip 1:
Alison Armstrong (PAX Programs) taught me to take ten to fifteen minutes after I stop working, to shake off the masculine energy and get into my feminine zone.  Whatever that is for you...... I like taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and state affirmations "I am womanly. I am sexy. I am beautiful. I am loving. I am kind."

Tip 2:
Pamper yourself.  Yes, the time we set aside to get manicures, pedicures, massages, puts us in a feminine space.  Order a mimosa at brunch.  Pay attention to what makes you feel beautiful and womanly.

Tip 3:
Smile.  Find everything that gives you reason to smile, thank God, be grateful, Sun Salutations, etc.....  A happy woman is a feminine woman who is pleasant to look at.  Ask any man what he thinks about a woman's smile (just listen, really listen).  A happy woman is also easier to approach.  Keep in mind, it takes courage for a man to approach a woman.

Tip 3b: in that same though..... when a man approaches you, honor that.  You may not be interested, however, be kind and be grateful. You never know when another man is watching you in how you treat the man you don't like.

Tip 4:
Love yourself.  Yes....acknowledge those things you don't like about you and shower the dark side of you with the same love as all the things you enjoy about yourself.  Loving me allows my light to shine brightly......  (like a moth to the flame)  ;)    People are attracted to the light (including men).

Tip 5:
FLIRT a little bit.  Yes, including making eye contact. Let him know he is welcome in your space, and its okay for him to come say hello.

Here is a video for you that sums up a lot of what I'm saying.  Redd Velvet 's video on being good to him

As always, I want to hear what you are feeling or fellas, what you are thinking.  Your feedback, comments, suggestions and shares are welcomed!

Feel free to share a tip that's worked for you!

much love and aloha
hp <3

Dating Peter Pan

Peter Pan..... I have watched nearly every version of this film.  I love so much about its message, becoming like little children, believing and not being jaded by the terrors of adulthood.  Yet at the same time, I find the messages are better suited in analogies and inspiration.  Wendy did not MARRY Peter Pan.  A woman is unable to live in Never Never Land for ever.  And from what I remember, it didn't go over so well for Tink either.

You may know him.... Peter Pan in real life.  He is an adult male, generally over the age of 30 years.  He has the appearance of a Man.  He owns his own car, maybe his own house..... and he is A LOT OF FUN.  What woman doesn't want to have fun with her man? I don't know any woman that enjoys being with an uptight fellow. Yet life is about balance, and Peter Pan is unbalanced, misaligned.

I love what The Single Dating Diva said about it in her blog post. I feel like her bullet points are excellent identifiers.  She coins the phrase "Peter Pan Syndrome" (which studies have proven over more than three decades, and I 'm sure much longer than that).  Here is her list:

How do you know you or someone you have met has Peter Pan Syndrome?  Here are some signs:

• is over 30 and still goes drinking/clubbing/to the pub every weekend
• says he wants to find a partner but always ends up single because no girl is good enough to meet his standards
• is looking for a girl to blow his mind or else she’s not good enough
• is promiscuous
• is narcissistic
• is extremely social
• has a job that feeds his need for attention
• thinks he is a great catch and makes sure to tells you so
• thinks that all girls want him, he’s just the choosy one
• thinks that just because a girl is friendly and nice to him that she’s in love with him
• hops on a plane at any given moment to go off on some adventure
• has made an ideal life in his head that he thinks is the one he should have and won’t settle for anything less
• believes they deserve to have everything they want how they want it
• easily distracted by shiny objects

(You can find more of her helpful tips and insights at Single Dating Diva )

Someone deemed my most recent relationship a Peter Pan, yet, I'm not sure that's it. He wasn't a playboy, just an out of sorts guy finding his way.  However, the relationship before that.... absolutely a Peter Pan.  T.L. told me he was the coolest dude I'd ever meet (see 5th bullet point and 8th bullet point)  He is over 40 and still goes clubbing/drinking every weekend.  He said he wanted a relationship, but hadn't found anyone suitable enough for him (yes, I found that seriously insulting).  

I fear it is a sad case these days.... because there are a good number of men who refuse to grow up. To put their Man Pants on and own up to life, to make decisions, to commit to something greater than themselves, to exercise loyalty.  Relationships are not easy.  Yet when TWO people are willing to go the distance, relationships become visibly beautiful.  Be ware of Peter Pan..... he, I am sad to say, is not a Man With A Plan.  ( I wrote a piece about that - Funky Sunshine )


As always, I love hearing your stories.  Feel free to share them, your comments, your opinions here.

Much Love & Aloha
hp

Interrupt Your Relationship Routine

Aloha!  I am just getting back into the swing of things after spending an incredible week in Maui on The Daily Love's Maui Yoga Retreat - return to the heart.  Nearly 20 people, most of us strangers to one another, signed up for a trip to Maui. One week into the unknown...almost. We were set up for great success.  Preparations included fasting from sugars, alcohol, caffeine, dairy and gluten.  Oh yeah..... totally different than the normal routine. I visit my local Starbucks about 4 or 5 days a week.  They know my name and what I'm drinking.  I realized that it is my "Cheers" (where everybody knows your name). Physically I did not miss the caffeine.  I was grateful I had fasted from it before getting to Maui and doing Kundalini yoga twice a day.  I hydrated, rested, synced up with my body, aligned my chakras, cleared my heart and my head space, loved and was loved.  Oh, did I mention that we disconnected from our phones and the Internet for that whole entire week? Yeah, me the social media maven unplugged. It felt AMAZING....not to say it wasn't difficult, because it was, yet being with these beautiful souls (including my own) far outweighed the time I missed connecting to the outside world. I needed the time to invest in and care for me.  I learned that to be balanced and healthy, I need to interrupt my routine and invest in me. Not merely vacation, no.  Learning something new, stretching my limits, personal development, contributing to the world, disconnecting from the outside for a few days to connect and align with Spirit.

How does this relate to DATING?  Well.....  humans tend to be creatures of habit.  You know the cliches with relationship - "keep it spicy" "tend to the flame" "love deposits".... all of which imply some effort is made to grow, nurture and satisfy the relationship.  We see it all the time with married folks.... work, home......."now that we've been married two years we hardly ever go out anymore".... then she feels less special and less affectionate and he feels rejected.  We see it with married folks with children.....  they put all the kids activities before investing in their relationship and wonder why the person they fell in love with feels more like a roommate than a lover.

Planning is a great tool to support us in every aspect of our lives.  Yes, even in our relationship.  Plan those interruptions.  Please provide for your families. Please invest in your children. Please finish your degree.  Do those things.  And, interrupt them for the benefit of your relationship.  Relationships are gifts.

• Plan a weekend getaway - no work, no phones, no Internet.  Be with each other.  
• Plan time for personal growth where you go together - (Date with Destiny, PSI Seminars, PAX Programs couple workshops, etc)
• Plan a celebration in the middle of an odd month, just because your love is worth it.  
• Both of you chose something that scares you (think skydiving).  Support each other in realizing the dream.
• Plan for time to encourage one another (notes, homemade lunches, sexy text messages, etc.)

How can you interrupt your "relationship routine"?

As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Much love and aloha
hp

Dating via FACEBOOK - first date tips

You can snarl if you want to, however, love finds its way to a person's heart through any means necessary....yes, even through Facebook.  It is not so strange.... consider "pen-pals"!  Much like the various dating sites on-line, facebook, allows people to connect in a familiar way. We are not here to discuss whether its right or wrong, because what's right for you may be wrong for someone else.  #KnowYourself

Here are a few tips for those of you who may choose to go on a date with someone you meet on FB:


1.  Meet in a public place, preferably during the day time.  And let at least one other reliable person know where you will be.

2.  Set a time frame of no more than two (2) hours.  If it goes well and you both agree to continue sharing time together, then do that.  A time frame lets you be cordial, get to know one another and leave without difficulty.

3.  Trust yourself.....listen to your gut feelings, your intuition... it speaks for our good!  If you feel like something is off, then it probably is. Be true to you.

4. Just BE.  Who we BE, and how we BE says so much more than we ever can.  Be love.  Be kind. Be honest. Be grateful. Be.

5.  Be open.  It may not turn into a spectacular relationship, you may gain a great friend.  However, it very well may be.  When human beings are open to one another and all the possibilities before them, anything is possible.  The possibilities are endless.  Have fun!


If you have gone on a date with someone you met through facebook, let us know how it went; what you learned. As always, I love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Much love & aloha
hp

Cracked Lenses

If you wear any kind of glasses, whether they be reading glasses, distance glasses, sun glasses, or the like, you understand the difficulty in seeing clearly when the lenses are cracked.  The crack(s) distort the lens, so visibility becomes skewed.  What do you do with those lenses? You replace them with new ones so visibility is clear. 

Our perspective is the same.  We see our reality through a lens. If our lens is cracked, our view is often distorted.  It sounds like this... "all women are gold diggers"  or "all men are liars".... perhaps you can add some more ideas you have heard from friends or expressed yourself.  

How does this happen?  "beliefs" or "programs".....decisions we make about events.  I absolutely encourage every one to explore their belief systems (why are women unsafe to you?  why are men unsafe to you? why do you believe you are unworthy of love).  Despite popular ridicule, therapy and counseling is not ALL bad. In fact, it may be the perfect support for you to work through beliefs you have about women or men, heal wounded parts of your soul, and deal with life now.

Let me give you an example:   I thought men were unsafe. I had good reason. I was physically hurt by a few men. Additionally, I heard from my Dad and other adult males in my life that all men wanted was ....  automatically making men my enemy because I believed them to be "takers" "predators".   Now, there are in fact men who are only out for themselves and don't give a rats arse about anyone else.  Fixing the lens is understanding I am able (YOU are able) to discern and judge for yourself who that man is.  The truth is THERE ARE AN ABUNDANT AMOUNT OF BEAUTIFUL MEN who are givers, who are kind, who are loving, who are loyal, who love their mothers and have great integrity.  

Getting to ^^^^^ this space, came with some work.  I didn't arrive at, oh, I can go out into the world and be safe over night.  YOU have to put in the work, look in the mirror and sort through what is real and what is made up based on an event in your life.  Acknowledge abuse.  It is real. It is harmful. It is hard.  Learning to discern between safe and unsafe is not always easy, yet it is WORTH it.  YOU deserve to live in the NOW of your life.  You deserve to see what is in front of you for what it is, not what you see through those cracked lenses.  You deserve the relationship of your dreams. You deserve to feel safe in a relationship. You deserve to be loved and to love. If your lens is cracked, repair it or replace it with a new lens.  

Cheers to your healing, to a new lens, to love.

As always, I love to hear your thoughts, your stories, your experiences.  Leave a comment.

Much love and aloha,

hp

1st Dates

I don't know about you or where you are located on the planet, but here in Los Angeles, it is HOT!! I am not a fan of triple digit weather.  I do enjoy the necessity for sundresses though. Summer equals more reasons for pedicures, pretty nail polish, sundresses, shorts and things.  Summer nights are my favorite!  Maybe because I watched the movie GREASE at such a young age.  I loved their summer romance.

I am still reading If The Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl, PhD   Chapter 23 covers 1st Dates, which I found encouraging.  I'm going to give you a few bullet points from the chapter (which I highly recommend reading anyway).  The perspective is a spiritual one, which leads the reader directly to the essence of who we are, which is where we really want to be with the one who is our beloved - being our true selves.

1. Remember 1st Dates are just a moment in time - let go of the attachment.  It can be anything, yet it will more than likely be fun when you can BE present to the moment.

2. You are simply meeting to see if there is a possible fit - no pressure... no who you are, what matters to you, pay attention to the conversation.  You are gathering data. Do any of your deal breakers come up?  Are you experiencing any red flags?  Its okay.  That's what the date is for.  You might find that you two are better suited as friends.  You might find that you need to RUN away as fast as you can.  You may find you'd like to go out again.  Its all good.

3. Always meet in a neutral place with lots of people - yes, even if you've known each other forever.  Romance can change the relationship.  Coffee shops, other public places, allows for you both to be yourselves, with less pressure to be someone you are not.  Give yourself an hour or two limit.  If you fit, it will naturally lead to more time.  No hurry.

4. Show who you really are - if you are naturally outrageous and funny, be that way.  If you are naturally quiet and cautious, be that way.  Be yourself - "being yourself is an act of faith and self-love". Great unions come when we show our authentic selves, the being behind the masks, to one another.

5. Trust yourself and your instincts - your intuition is your guide.  If something feels off, now is not the time to ignore that.  Pay attention to the flow you are experiencing.

6. Have fun, and remember, its all a passing show - yes, have FUN.  :)


As always, I love to hear your thoughts, your experiences and your point of view!

Thank you.

Much love and aloha,

hp

Crawling in Love

The full moon escorting us into summer is marvelous. It energy is magnanimous.  I wish I were nearer the ocean to watch the tides.  Welcome Summer 2013!

I am reading "If the Buddha Dated" by  Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D.  It's my second time reading it through. I am enjoying seeing how I've grown from the first time I read it 3 years ago to now.  Chapter 21 is titled "Crawling In Love: explore the benefits of staying conscious".  

At first glance, the title did not resonate with me, nor did it make much sense.  In fact, the first time I read the book, it flew over my head.  Yet today, it makes so much more sense to me.  The author says something about erring on the side on the turtle.... like go slow.  Let my mind be as involved in the process as much as or more than my body and all its chemicals are.  Yes, because lust at first sight is DECEIVING.  

How many people do you know that RUSHED into a relationship because "they had to be together".... only to find that outside of "the loving" they don't even really like each other?  How many of YOU have found yourself in that space?  I have too.  Its exciting, there's a huge rush, and a bit of fixation on the subject.  Along with the excitement is the down times.  Dr. Kasl suggests that when we "project the image of The Perfect One onto our new love interest, it implies that we are incomplete the way we are".  She also says that "Crawling in love is about staying mindful and aware".  

Crawling in love - an idea I am marinating on... building a relationship with another human being based on shared experiences, without all the distractions or being a hurry.  We owe it to ourselves to build wisely with each other, right?  

As always, leave a comment, share your experience, or let us know what you think. It is always good to hear from you.

much love and aloha,

hp

p.s.

"One of the biggest mistakes many of us make in looking for the right partner is judging that person to hastily.  Sharing your thoughts and feelings with one another may create a strong mental and emotional resonance that will spark sexual resonance.  Gradual attraction may actually be more genuine than "lust at first" sight." - Barbara DeAngelis, 'Are You The One For Me'

How About We

Happy Summer Solstice!!!  Summer nights are my favorite part about summer, than and barbeques.  :)



How About We   is another dating site, yet it is not the same set-up as Match.com or Okcupid or e-harmony.  Instead of being "matched" up on suggestion, YOU the dater, get to suggest date ideas; then go on group dates, meet people, and make a connection if it fits.  Sounds like a great way to ease into new situations and find someone whom you enjoy doing things you both like with.  I am a bit skeptical about on-line dating, the variables make me nervous, yet this sounds like a great way to ease into situations, meet new people or bring friends and meet new people, and do things I like to do.

A friend of mine told me an encouraging story about someone she knows that found her love on How About We.  Lady "S" joined How About We apprehensively, not wanting to date forever, or waste a lot of time. She is clear about what she wants - a life partner, companion, marriage.  She created her blurb, which didn't get too much attention.  A few weeks in, she found a gentleman whose blurb caught her eye.  Someone planned a wine/tapas event for a group of people.  She went, met another guy within the outing.  They kept in touch. She decided she wanted to get to know him better, and since they both liked doing the same things, spending time together flowed easily.  The guy asked her to be his exclusively committed monogamous girlfriend.

I don't know about you, but that encourages me. It can be challenging getting to the real person to even know if you want to continue getting to know them or date them.  As I've talked about here on the #Dating101 blog, knowing yourself and being true to yourself is important.  Relationships test that.  Relationships are also supposed to nurture us; being with someone you like to share your time with is huge.  No one is saying do every little thing together, however, if you like road trips along the coast, and he like backpacking in the wilderness, but you aren't able to come to the middle once in a while...well, Houston, we have a problem.  I find that life is amazing. Sharing it with people we care for makes the hard, difficult, challenging times, worth while.  Being with someone whom you want to share your time with, well that's priceless.

Although I haven't given this site a shot yet (I get so nervous), I felt it reasonable and relatable enough to give it a shout out.

As always, let me know what you think. I love hearing from you.

Much love and aloha

hp

Write Down Your Deal Breakers on Paper

Lists.... everyone has written one at some point in their life.  Many people write a list of the qualities that matter most to them in a mate.  Every list is important to our growth. Yes, our growth.  Relationships are primarily about our growth.  Some people have the great privilege of falling in love with their mate at an early age and get to grow with them until death parts them.  Some people go through a series of relationships.  Some people steer clear of relationships all together.  Every relationship has its purpose, yet the choice to dive in is always ours.

I have found so much understanding in the relationships I've co-created the last few years.  I understand myself, and for that I am grateful.  Each person has taught me something about me, I believe we have been essential mirrors for one another in our journeys.  I have a solid list of qualities (not merely, he has to be fine and a NFL superstar) which are fine if that's true to you.  I am proud of my list.  I covered everything that matters to me: emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially, and the like.  It's a great list!  All the while, there is another list I had not heard of until a dear friend mentioned it to me when I was ending a relationship.  Ms Sarah Ross (of Sarah Ross Coaching ) asked me what my deal breakers were.  I must have had that Scooby Doo look on my face.  We got together and I wrote that list.  It has helped me honor myself.  The little voice that says, "its okay that he does xyz, its not that bad" gets NO CREDIBILITY because - YO, that's a deal breaker.  Essentially they are boundaries, and every healthy relationship has boundaries.  Boundaries allow for true choice.  Have you written out your list of deal breakers?  If so, awesome. I'd love to hear about them!  If not, here's a few hints on what to put down:

1) be honest and true to yourself

2) no limits... yes, it can be the most ridiculous sounding thing ever (ex: must not live in the backwoods) <--- yes, a real deal breaker for me

3) be specific  (ex: must not be a drug addict or smoke cigarettes)

4) consider your emotional and physical needs (YES, they matter).  (ex: stingy with kisses & stingy with everything) <---- real deal breakers for me

5) go all out, this is YOUR life.


Feel free to comment, I love hearing from you.  Also, you are welcome to ask me more questions about my list (it cracks me up).

If you would like more information on deal breakers or coaching on your relationship, you can reach Ms Sarah Ross at SarahRossCoaching@gmail.com.

Much love & aloha
hp